a poem I wrote for English

Archaic · a poem I wrote for English

So recently I was asked to write a poem that deflated the seriousness of events, had a little kid confidence, had profound truths nobody likes to admit and talks out of the corner of my mouth. This is what I came up with. Keep in mind the awkward spacing is intentional as that was also asked of.

During an earthquake a boy sits alone in a chair
getting the best massage of his young life

He tried to set up dominoes, but it was impossible
with all the shaking and debris falling

The homeless guy gets to live in a gigantic fort
made out of cardboard thrown out
by a family that just got a new 60 inch TV

Some people have all the luck

During winter a fire broke out in the retirement home
everybody was able to get what they wanted

like the couples that were cremated together
or the others who simply wanted to heat to be turned up

Its a shame no one had marshmallows.

A man got stabbed in the middle of the street
leaving behind blood and a chalk outline
that the children laid next to

and traced their own chalk outlines

His was the biggest and nicest done by far

Koku

Wow, I hope your professor is insane, if so that may be an A right there. Talk about random things at time, it seems like your boy or narrator had ADD.

Archaic

Well the four spaces indicate that its a new subject, the one space just indicates wait for a moment before moving on. And keep in mind, this was my "reading and writing imaginative literature" so having you say my teacher should be insane is a good thing.

Schmall

wow, that does strike to the core of many things. No gray areas, straight to the heart of the issue. Also does sound like a child's POV. If you want it coming from a child though, knock down the vocab and use some childish slang. Its a poem, you can get away with it and it will only make the poem all that much stronger as you add more innocense to the equation. Just a thought. (I am in a writing composition class and cant help but think of ways of improving a paper right now)

Archaic

Ah but a child's confidence does not have to come with a child's vocabulary. In fact, the simple dichotomy that the POV appears to be from a child, but the words are those of an intellect is much more powerful than they would otherwise be.

Billgar

Indeed that was really good. I loved the part about the homeless guy or the heat ebing turned up for the elderly. Nicely done.