Beanbaker
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Quest for the ShineAs one confused as well for the secret of the Shiny Candies of Colourfulness, I set off on a quest with my trusty therapist, Juan Valdez.
We have been in the lonely sands for days until we came up the ancient shrines of Hotfoot and Shoeprint. The locals claimed this place was a legend, and those who set out to find the shrines never returned. Juan Valdez and I slowly disembarked from our camels made entirely out of children, and they all whinnied in distress and ran back to the vilage. Juan Valdez and I had no choice but to set up camp outside. We decided to investigate the shrines in the morrow, for fear of beastly traps and those bloody misquotes. Plus the almanac showed for wicked rains, for the anger of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was bound for too long, and best be to honour thy wrath...
We awoke to the most heavenly of sounds. A muse, perhaps, plays her harp for our ears, or a siren only readies a harpoon of hurtful love and compassion. Juan Valdez and I emerged from our tents, while the moon was still nigh, and looked upon the massive shrines. We thought only of heaven, until our peace was broken with a thunder asunder. Juan Valdez and I knew what to do. With grabbed our Worcestershires and headed for the gates.
The iron gates were wrought with age, and unlocking them was as easy as Juan Valdez's fiancee. We strode inside, gazing in awe at the architectural wonders in the stone and mortar that made these buildings. Then we began to sank. Juan Valdez immediately started to wail and cry, but fear not my dear Juan Valdez! 'Tis only... chuklate! The great chuklate! We began to engorge ourselves on our very deadly, tasty demise. After some moaning of content, we sank fully...
...and landed on some chalky pills attached to parchment. I have yet to discover their purpose, but they serve well when the hemorrhoids returned. Then, the heavenly noise was heard, but it was a song! I have written the notes in the few spare seconds I had -
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But I digress. We approached the sound, in which we found that we were on a balcony not too far from the ground, but when we looked up, there it was! Thousands - nay, hundreds of thousands, of mirrors! All were being struck by these... lizards! Oh, the skill required to strike the right notes! Then the chieftain, with a great stonebow, would strike down a mirror, shattering it, then letting the shards fall into the vat below with a shiny liquid inside, and the mistresses would dance, and the statues would vomit rainbows of strange, hard pellets made from the wonderful chuklate! We descended the stairwell nearby, but upon touching the sacred floors below, we scattered the tribe.
I approached the liquid, still in need of more of these pellets (with some sort of monogram engraved on top... a "M" and a few "W's", perhaps as an incantation?). I slathered some liquid on my finger and licked it off. "Mercury" I said, as I started to twitch. "Quexldorf" said Juan Valdez, and I nodded in agreement. Dr. Juan Valdez, and I, Timotheaus Chudders Beane, Duke of the Beanbakers, claimed, "Bfgbhjmnjgfvd, sdfusdg ahtyhf sgbs." And Juan carried my convulsing body back to the Shamen, where I was bled to rid my body of demons.
QUIZ
Who was bus driver?
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